During the skin-to-skin time after Millie was born, all the chaos was over and the doctor and the nurses all left and Benn and I were alone in the room – with this brand new, helpless, miniature human that we had no idea what to do with. I can’t believe they left us alone with her! I hope the nurse comes back soon! I actually said that out loud, and Benn laughed and agreed. No one has a clue what they’re doing with their first baby, but I also felt like it was odd that I didn’t really know this person. What was I supposed to say to her? What was I supposed to feel?
It’s not that I didn’t feel any connection to her – she’d grown inside me for nine months and I’d felt her kick and move. I knew when she liked to be active. I knew how to care for her inside me by taking the right vitamins and avoiding the proper things. I immediately wanted to do what was best for her and make her feel safe. I cared deeply for her. But I still didn’t know her.